I'm not sure how long I've been down here, but it already seems like an eternity. They say time flies when you're having fun. But... how fast does it fly when you have no way to keep track of it? Does it just stay still? It must because I have yet to feel hunger in what seems a long time. I'm doomed to stay in this room for the rest of eternity only left to my thoughts. I guess I'll never see her again. When I first came here she was still fresh in my mind. Her smile was brilliant and her eyes were so exuberant that they burned into my memory. I painted her so many times on the walls; trying to capture that memory to keep me company. However that memory has long since faded. I've painted her so many times my mind made her change, replacing subtle nuances with unfamiliar pretense. Every picture is different so I have no way of telling how she looked anymore. In my mind her features had slowly blended into each other and formed a bland idea of the way she once was, never to be renewed. Finally she descended into the large pile of forgotten memories, however her eyes and smile remain. Now they float in the void of my mind. Her face was once warm and loving, now only a sinister smile and glaring eyes accompany my dreams. She is now the Cheshire Cat that haunts me asleep and awake. I had tried so hard to remember it that now I cannot forget. I have marked out her eyes and smile in all of my paintings in hopes to forget the scrap that challenges my sanity. I think this room has brought this fear alive. I see it always across the room from me as if waiting for the opportune time to ravage me at the moment I lose myself.
To keep my mind on other things I usually lie on my back and think about how I got here. The cracked walls and the broken tiles on the floor show signs of wear and tear along with aging. Also, there is a large pile of rubble that sits towards the middle of the room. Something inside of me tells me that answers lie under the rocks, but I am also afraid of it. I know not the origins of these feelings but the fear seems to overwhelm the curiosity. I have only strayed near it because a pool of warm water has formed to its side and I must satiate my thirst. The thought of uncovering what's underneath sends chills through my body and that is enough reason for me to avoid it at all costs.
I woke up today with a start. I was sweating profusely and my body was trembling. However I can never remember what it was that I had dreamt about. No doubt it was a nightmare responsible for this reaction, but the visions never come back. While the shaking and sweating was recurrent every morning, something was amiss this time. When I looked down at my trembling hands they were covered in blood. It wasn't fresh, but the aroma undeniable. I made my way to the pool and dipped my hands in. I rubbed my hands together to make sure I removed the blood, but when I lifted my hands out of the pool they were coated in fresh blood. I shook my hands and stumbled back against the wall, dust fell as my body collided with its surface. I sat there looking at the pool, which had somehow become a pool of blood that appeared to have run from under the rubble. I was calming down, mustering courage to find out what secret the rubble hid. I slowly rose and walked towards the pile, steering myself away from the blood and began to remove the rocks. My heart began to pound within my chest. I could feel the blood pumping in my ears. Every rock I removed made it seem like my entire body was to wrack itself out of its joints and separate itself from the soul. I had to stop many times, my mouth dry from anticipation and terrible horror. The pool now was blood and could not satisfy me.
I placed my hands upon a small and flat piece of stone and lifted and shrieked with horror to see the face of my lover. Her exuberant eyes gouged out and her lower jaw completely gone and placed into my mind to haunt me for my heinous deed. Her body crushed from the weight of the rubble and flesh removed where I satisfied my maddening hunger, eaten down to the bone. Images returned from the pile of thrown away dreams and revealed the sequence of my conspiracy. The image of the rock smashing against her face and her limp body lying and twitching involuntarily. The feast I had at her expense and my removing of her eyes and jaw to rid myself of the expression she still maintained, but not quick enough to escape the haunting image. I saw myself piling the rocks onto her broken body and the pool of blood that formed slowly. The images came in flashing sequence, making me relive the nightmare itself. I was plunged back into the stupor before and reassessed the whole situation.
Now I lie here. I can still taste the blood in my mouth from before. My arms ache from piling the rocks back on top of her as hastily as I could manage. The shock I felt seemed to relapse on itself forcing me to blankly look at the ceiling. I would just forget this ever happened like before. I would force this out of my mind only to rediscover this travesty time and time again. I'll just lie here and close my eyes until I can hide this from myself. I'm sure she understands why I did it. Better me to be here losing myself to invisible wolves eating away at my will to exist than her. I'll forget and return back to the way I was before. But...before I do that...
I'm feeling a bit hungry.
To keep my mind on other things I usually lie on my back and think about how I got here. The cracked walls and the broken tiles on the floor show signs of wear and tear along with aging. Also, there is a large pile of rubble that sits towards the middle of the room. Something inside of me tells me that answers lie under the rocks, but I am also afraid of it. I know not the origins of these feelings but the fear seems to overwhelm the curiosity. I have only strayed near it because a pool of warm water has formed to its side and I must satiate my thirst. The thought of uncovering what's underneath sends chills through my body and that is enough reason for me to avoid it at all costs.
I woke up today with a start. I was sweating profusely and my body was trembling. However I can never remember what it was that I had dreamt about. No doubt it was a nightmare responsible for this reaction, but the visions never come back. While the shaking and sweating was recurrent every morning, something was amiss this time. When I looked down at my trembling hands they were covered in blood. It wasn't fresh, but the aroma undeniable. I made my way to the pool and dipped my hands in. I rubbed my hands together to make sure I removed the blood, but when I lifted my hands out of the pool they were coated in fresh blood. I shook my hands and stumbled back against the wall, dust fell as my body collided with its surface. I sat there looking at the pool, which had somehow become a pool of blood that appeared to have run from under the rubble. I was calming down, mustering courage to find out what secret the rubble hid. I slowly rose and walked towards the pile, steering myself away from the blood and began to remove the rocks. My heart began to pound within my chest. I could feel the blood pumping in my ears. Every rock I removed made it seem like my entire body was to wrack itself out of its joints and separate itself from the soul. I had to stop many times, my mouth dry from anticipation and terrible horror. The pool now was blood and could not satisfy me.
I placed my hands upon a small and flat piece of stone and lifted and shrieked with horror to see the face of my lover. Her exuberant eyes gouged out and her lower jaw completely gone and placed into my mind to haunt me for my heinous deed. Her body crushed from the weight of the rubble and flesh removed where I satisfied my maddening hunger, eaten down to the bone. Images returned from the pile of thrown away dreams and revealed the sequence of my conspiracy. The image of the rock smashing against her face and her limp body lying and twitching involuntarily. The feast I had at her expense and my removing of her eyes and jaw to rid myself of the expression she still maintained, but not quick enough to escape the haunting image. I saw myself piling the rocks onto her broken body and the pool of blood that formed slowly. The images came in flashing sequence, making me relive the nightmare itself. I was plunged back into the stupor before and reassessed the whole situation.
Now I lie here. I can still taste the blood in my mouth from before. My arms ache from piling the rocks back on top of her as hastily as I could manage. The shock I felt seemed to relapse on itself forcing me to blankly look at the ceiling. I would just forget this ever happened like before. I would force this out of my mind only to rediscover this travesty time and time again. I'll just lie here and close my eyes until I can hide this from myself. I'm sure she understands why I did it. Better me to be here losing myself to invisible wolves eating away at my will to exist than her. I'll forget and return back to the way I was before. But...before I do that...
I'm feeling a bit hungry.
